A Life That Matters

I woke up last night for no apparent reason. Nothing wrong, no worries, just "poof" wide awake! It happens to the women in my family. By nature most of us are night owls. If we aren't night owls than any amount of sleep at night counts as a really good nap. If we get woken up in the middle of the night going back to sleep becomes virtually impossible. I have found I often do my best thinking during those times in the middle of the night while the rest of the house is quiet. Maybe because it is the only time the house is quiet!

Last night among other things I began thinking about an old friend of mine. I hadn't seen her in awhile and I missed her. We used to go to DQ in college and get blizzards. She went with me the first time I cut my hair short. Of course, the plan was for her to do it as well. I buzzed mine like a little boy in the back. Next thing I know, she is stepping around the corner with maybe a centimeter cut off of her hair. Friendship, you can't beat it can you???

Thinking about my friend made me think about life in general and what really matters. I know, I know, deep, huh?! I began to think how the meaning of life has varied depending on what stage of my life I was in at the time. Who I wanted to be and what I wanted to achieve has grown and evolved with every experience life has given me. When I was a kid all I could think about was being an astronaut. I was ready for the space program, let me tell ya! Then I went to college and discovered that I could have a career doing the things I loved to do, hiking, camping, playing with animals. That realization centered me more and put my feet back on the ground. No longer was I going to fly to the moon; now I was going to stay right here and save the planet's animals from destruction. I was going to spend my days hiking in the woods observing animal behavior and my nights sleeping in a tent.

Not long after I was blessed with my first niece. All of the sudden, running off to the mountains wasn't so important anymore. It was more important to me to stay closer to home and be the kind of aunt who makes a difference. More nieces and nephews followed and I discovered I REALLY loved this aunt gig. I don't think my oldest niece knows how much she influenced the direction my life would take. I hope someday she can really appreciate the impact she makes on the world around her. Just a month after she was born, my first nephew came along. I was in love with the little elf the first time I set eyes on him. I don't get to see him or his brother and sister as much but his arrival just reaffirmed the decision I had made. The girl was going nowhere!

I then I took a job working as a student advisor at KU. It was just going to be a six-month filler job while I waited to go to grad school. Again, my priorities changed and the meaning of life became something different. I discovered a love of teaching that almost rivaled my love of biology and nature. Now what to do!! Off to get a teaching degree I went.

Meanwhile, the two most life changing events happened. One, I married the man I had loved darn near all of my life and two, we had babies! Anyone who has done either one of those things can tell you that the meaning of life really changes when you become your own family separate from mom, dad, brothers and sisters.

So last night as I lay there thinking about all of these things and marveling at the way my life has become something pretty amazing I realized something. I realized that even though my goals, dreams, priorities and the meaning of my life have seemed to change so much over the years one thing really remains constant. Through all of the places I have been, no matter what I thought I wanted to do with my life my priority has always been to live a life that mattered. I think that is really what we all want when it comes down to it, isn't it? We want to make a difference in the world around us. We want to touch a few lives along the way. We want to stand at the end of our life and be able to say with pride, "That was my life and it mattered."

I realized that, sometimes knowingly but most of the time just by the grace of God, I have always tried to live every day so that it matters. Every day can't be rainbows and sunshine, but it should make a difference in your life and the lives of the people around you.

When you are faced with a scary decision or a challenge, decide in favor of the choice that really makes your life matter. When you are stuck in a rut and seem to be spinning your wheels, do something that matters!! Make a change. Don't be scared, just do it. Quiting my job to stay home with my kids was such an unknown for me and for Jamy. Financially, could we make it? Would I be bored out of my mind? What would happen to my identity? Blah, blah, blah, blah!! In the end though, I knew in my heart making the choice I did was the way that would lead me to a place where I could have the greatest impact upon the world. Raising our kids to be good, happy, healthy citizens makes my life matter.

As I get older, I know there are even more stages of life to come. Each one will bring me to a new place with new goals, dreams and priorities. I still hope someday to figure out a way to teach while also spending time in the woods studying animal behavior and sleeping in my tent at night. I just know there are more important things I need to be doing right now. The rest can wait awhile. I also know that when I stand at the end of my life if I can look back and say, "That was my life and it mattered!" I will have achieved everything I wanted to do.


In the spirit of my new found realization of the meaning of life, here are some pictures of what we did this weekend to make our lives matter. We had so much to do around the house, but made sure to take lots of breaks to spend with the kids. I have much better memories of swimming at the lake with the babies than I ever would have if Jamy had spent the whole weekend on the roof and I had a houseful of clean toilets!!

Enjoy!!!