Abby's Dancing Debut

You just gotta laugh....

When it rains it pours here at Dunbar Manor. Let me give you a quick recap of our life just in the last two weeks. Jamy was all set to go on another trip overseas so I had rebooked appointments, made sitter arrangements and all of that sort of thing so that everything was covered while he was gone. The Wed. before he was set to leave I surprised him with a sitter and a night out for dinner to celebrate Valentine's since he was going to be gone. So we go to dinner and spend $30 on a sitter for the night. Then the next day we find out he isn't going on that trip and he will be here for Valentine's. My dad was already coming up that weekend to help me with the kids so we could have had a babysitter for free. That's okay, 'cuz hey hubby gets to be home. Yeah!

So, then we have a windstorm and lose part of our roof AGAIN!! That's okay it was the one part of the roof that we hadn't gotten replaced yet. I called the insurance company and they sent a claims officer out yesterday. The damage $994.99. Our deductible $1000. Are you laughing yet?

Since my dad was going to be here for Valentine's I talked him into staying the night and decided to splurge on an overnight trip to Lawrence with Jamy. Great idea, right? Except three hours after I booked the reservation guess what happened.

Our two-year-old washer dies. We pay the repairman $45 to come out and tell us it is dead and we need a new one. Okay...that is okay, I call the company they will give us 15% off a new one even though our old one isn't under warranty anymore. Better than nothing right?

Six hours after the repairman leaves Weston, who hasn't been sick all winter, pukes all over his bed, his room and himself. Great, pukey kid and no washer! Aghhh, life is good.

We find a new washer, but decide to wait to buy it because our tax refund was scheduled to get here last Friday. Friday comes, we check the website, and yup, the feds released the money. Hmmm... why isn't it at our bank? We call the bank. It can take 2-3 business days to hit the bank. Okay, I can go to McDonalds and it shows up right away, but for some reason if it is a deposit coming from the feds it takes three days. Gotcha! It is now a three day weekend and so earliest we will see it is Tues. Great, 'cuz Jamy leaves for a trip on Tues. So no washer for me while he is gone. That is okay. It is a short trip and he will be home by Sat. We will get the washer then and all will be right with the world.

Okay, now we are up to this morning. I wake up with one of those headaches that will only go away if you go back to sleep for a couple of hours. Problem? I have three small kids which doesn't make that a possibility. No problem. I will just plow through because that is what moms do.

I decided to clean the bathroom. I lean up against the tub as I am cleaning it. I look down I have bleached the leg of my brand new pants. Did you all know SoftScrub has bleach in it? I didn't, but I do now. Keep in mind I haven't bought new clothes for myself since before the kids were born. These pants were two weeks old. Aggghhh, life is good.

Then I go to get in the car to pick up Abby from school. Battery is toast. Great, no problem. So I load the little ones in the stroller and we walk down to get Abby. It is cold but fresh air is good, right? No worries about the car because my mom just happened to be coming through today. I will use her car and jump my car and all will be good. Except its not. Nothing happens when I jump it. That's alright. I couldn't happen on a better day because Mom is here and she can take me to Topeka to the base where I can pick up the truck. Aaagghh....life is good.

I am sure I forgot some craziness, but you get the idea. My point, you ask? Here you go. No matter what life throws at you you have the great opportunity to choose how you will react. I could throw my hands up and cry or I can say, "Wow, aren't we lucky!' I am going to decide we are pretty darn lucky. See all of this stuff could have happened a couple of months ago when money was really, really tight or it could have happened while Jamy was gone for a big deployment. But it didn't. It all happened in the last two weeks. Right when we were scheduled to get a big tax refund. My car could have died on a day when I had no way to get to the base to get the truck, but it didn't. It died on the one day my mom just happened to be coming down anyway.

So see, even when life is crazy it is all good. Now I sit here in the quiet house with the kids all asleep and wonder what tomorrow will bring. Hmmm...maybe I will just stay in bed. Better not tempt fate, ya know!? After all, a girl can only be Pollyanna for so long.

I think we may have trouble.....

This morning the kids and I had a very interesting conversation at the laundromat of all places. Yeah, I STILL don't have a new washer yet. Grr, grr, growl, growl. Anywho, Skylar has apparently started to notice the difference between boys and girls. Of course, what better place to discuss these differences than a Laundromat. She informed me that Weston has a wiener and Daddy has a wiener. Mommy, Skylar and Abby don't have wieners. Good so far, right. Then she pipes up with this fabulous quote, "Mommy, I don't like wieners. Wieners are yuck. They taste like yuck!" People all around us began to giggle as I snorted trying really hard not to laugh. Not sure yet what my response to that one should have been but we did a little distraction with the washing machine. Whew! Where is Jamy when these things come up????????

This book is more than the cover....

So after thinking about the lady at the grocery store the other day I have a couple of other thoughts. Why is it that some people think they not only are entitled to have AND share their opinion about other people's lives, but they also get to make a value judgement.

I was talking to a friend this morning, you know while I was just sitting around. We somehow got on the topic of nasty things people say. Some people don't realize how horrible they sound and others mean to sound that horrible. We began to talk about how people are so quick to judge someone, but not willing to look deep and see what led that other person to where they are. For example, the Grocery Lady informed me that stay-at-home moms were rich, spoiled and had no clue about the real world. I guess some are, but most of us make huge sacrifices, both financial and otherwise, to be able to stay home with our kids. You could look at me and think, "Wow, she has a nice home, a couple of cars, a computer to type out rambling blog posts on, she must be rolling in the dough." What you wouldn't see is the hard work, the sweat, the tears, the fears, the sacrifice and the joy that Jamy and I have put in to get to where we are. Grocery Lady will never know that I worked my tail off in high school so that I would get scholarships to college. She will never know that I worked three jobs while double majoring in science during college. She won't ever see the ratty apartment that was mine and Jamy's first home. She won't see the trailer we lived in for six years while we worked our way toward being home owners. She won't know that we moved away from friends and family to even be in a market where we could afford to buy a home. She won't know the sacrifice our family makes everytime Jamy has to go on a trip to some place a whole other world away. But for some reason she is entitled to pass judgement on me and every other stay-at-home mom because she saw me in a grocery store check out line.

Here is another one I love. I don't know how many times I have heard, "So how many college degrees DOES it take to stay home all day?" Yeah, that's right people say that. Even members of my own family. Who cares how many degrees I have? If I don't think they make me better than you, why do you? My college education is something I am proud of because I worked my ass off for it. Someday, I will go back to work and those degrees will be there to help me do that. Right now, my husband and I feel the best place I can be is right here with our children. How does that hurt you and why should you care?

If Jamy and I are good citizens who are paying our bills on time and contributing positively to society how does my decision to stay home hurt you? In fact, there is lots and lots of research out there to show that children who grow up in homes where the parents are involved grow to become successful contributing members of society.
So why should you judge.

There are so many ways in which we judge other people. We don't stop to think that that other person has a whole lifetime behind them that has brought them to where they are. Just because I now have a nice home, a couple of cars, and that computer doesn't mean I don't know what it is like to not have those things. It also doesn't mean that I don't wake up everyday and know how truly blessed I am.

Next time you find yourself passing judgement or saying something to someone stop and think, "Am I being fair? Do I have the facts? Is what I am about to say going to tear this person down or will it build them up?"

We teach our kids about respect here at the Dunbar house. We teach them that respect is treating other people the way you would want to be treated. If you wouldn't like someone passing that judgement on you maybe it is best if you just keep it too yourself.

I think my experience with Grocery Lady is a good one. Hopefully, because of my sharing it with you all we will all stop and think the next time we are tempted to judge.

A word to working moms.....

I would like to give a big show of support to all of you moms out there who are working, taking care of your families and still trying to have a life of your own. I did it for several months and I know it isn't easy. Everyday I would drop Abby off and drive away feeling like I was failing her. It was a delicate balance to give my all to every area of my life. And that was just with one kid! Now I have three and can't imagine how crazy life would be if I worked outside of the home as well.

Most working moms are wonderful people who also understand and support the stay-at-home mom's decision to leave her career and concentrate on raising her family. Most women I know are very supportive of other women no matter what choice they make. We all know that it is hard to work and it is hard to stay home. It is a blessing to work and it is a blessing to stay home. There are joys and sacrifices no matter which road you choose. In the end you do the best you can and pray that it is enough.

Then there are women who just don't get it. They are rude. They are judgemental. And for some reason they believe they are entitled to have an opinion about how other women have chosen to raise their families. Some of these women are working moms and some are stay-at-home moms. The sad thing about these women is that they are usually not afraid to share their opinion about your choice in very public places.

So here is a word to the working mom I met at the grocery store check out line yesterday. This mom, whom I had never met before, proceeded to tell me that she believed that women who choose to stay home with their children are lazy, overprotective, and self-absorbed. She just couldn't understand how anyone would quit their job in favor of SITTING AROUND all day. This mom believed that women who stay at home are spoiled and don't understand what the REAL world is like.

After I politely turned my back on her and went about talking to my children I could overhear her talking to her friend. She was telling her how she was so bored in her job. All she had done the last few days was surf on the Internet and play solitaire on her computer.

Hmmmm....okay. Let me tell you about my day today. I got up. I fed three other people. I got three other people dressed. I made four beds. I drove one kid to school. I went to the pharmacy. I cleaned up breakfast. I made two appointments for later this week. I scheduled three meetings. I did two loads of laundry. I read four books to little ones. I put away the other five loads of laundry that have been sitting in baskets because I haven't gotten to them yet. I fixed a broken cabinet door. I did a little research for a project I am working on. I took a call from our insurance company. I finally went and took a crap. Yeah, I didn't do that by myself. I had two helpers and a cat with me. I danced with a two year old. I helped a three year old color his picture. All of that and it was only 9:30 am!

I am just wondering how much Miss Judgemental Mom got done before 9:30 am. Maybe as she is sitting there in the quiet playing on the Internet, by some miracle she will come across my blog. Maybe she will stop and think for just one minute about how the other half lives. Maybe she will realize that whether you are working or staying at home, being a mother is the most rewarding, hardest, time-consuming, blessing you could ever have. Or maybe she will put her feet up on her desk, drink her coffee and play another game of solitaire. Thank God woman like her are the minority.

So to all of my working mom friends, keep it up. I support you. You are amazing and you are doing a great job. To my stay-at-home mom friends, keep it up. I support you. You are amazing and you are doing a great job.

To those moms who have an opinion about the choice another mom has made in this area, keep it to yourself. She is doing the best she can and all she really needs is your support.

Dear me, now what will I do for the rest of the day. Hmmm.... I guess I could go get those BonBons out and kick back on the couch for awhile!! :)

It's a boy!!!

Meet the newest Dunbar! Little Gidget is adorable and already loved.