This book is more than the cover....

So after thinking about the lady at the grocery store the other day I have a couple of other thoughts. Why is it that some people think they not only are entitled to have AND share their opinion about other people's lives, but they also get to make a value judgement.

I was talking to a friend this morning, you know while I was just sitting around. We somehow got on the topic of nasty things people say. Some people don't realize how horrible they sound and others mean to sound that horrible. We began to talk about how people are so quick to judge someone, but not willing to look deep and see what led that other person to where they are. For example, the Grocery Lady informed me that stay-at-home moms were rich, spoiled and had no clue about the real world. I guess some are, but most of us make huge sacrifices, both financial and otherwise, to be able to stay home with our kids. You could look at me and think, "Wow, she has a nice home, a couple of cars, a computer to type out rambling blog posts on, she must be rolling in the dough." What you wouldn't see is the hard work, the sweat, the tears, the fears, the sacrifice and the joy that Jamy and I have put in to get to where we are. Grocery Lady will never know that I worked my tail off in high school so that I would get scholarships to college. She will never know that I worked three jobs while double majoring in science during college. She won't ever see the ratty apartment that was mine and Jamy's first home. She won't see the trailer we lived in for six years while we worked our way toward being home owners. She won't know that we moved away from friends and family to even be in a market where we could afford to buy a home. She won't know the sacrifice our family makes everytime Jamy has to go on a trip to some place a whole other world away. But for some reason she is entitled to pass judgement on me and every other stay-at-home mom because she saw me in a grocery store check out line.

Here is another one I love. I don't know how many times I have heard, "So how many college degrees DOES it take to stay home all day?" Yeah, that's right people say that. Even members of my own family. Who cares how many degrees I have? If I don't think they make me better than you, why do you? My college education is something I am proud of because I worked my ass off for it. Someday, I will go back to work and those degrees will be there to help me do that. Right now, my husband and I feel the best place I can be is right here with our children. How does that hurt you and why should you care?

If Jamy and I are good citizens who are paying our bills on time and contributing positively to society how does my decision to stay home hurt you? In fact, there is lots and lots of research out there to show that children who grow up in homes where the parents are involved grow to become successful contributing members of society.
So why should you judge.

There are so many ways in which we judge other people. We don't stop to think that that other person has a whole lifetime behind them that has brought them to where they are. Just because I now have a nice home, a couple of cars, and that computer doesn't mean I don't know what it is like to not have those things. It also doesn't mean that I don't wake up everyday and know how truly blessed I am.

Next time you find yourself passing judgement or saying something to someone stop and think, "Am I being fair? Do I have the facts? Is what I am about to say going to tear this person down or will it build them up?"

We teach our kids about respect here at the Dunbar house. We teach them that respect is treating other people the way you would want to be treated. If you wouldn't like someone passing that judgement on you maybe it is best if you just keep it too yourself.

I think my experience with Grocery Lady is a good one. Hopefully, because of my sharing it with you all we will all stop and think the next time we are tempted to judge.